RandyPanda

Land of the brave, and the home of the free. or so we thought.

2010-08-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

An article I read today.Editor,Has America become the land of special interest and home of the double standard?Lets see: if we lie to the Congress, it's a felony and if the congress lies to us its just politics; if we dislike a black person, we're racist and if a black dislikes whites, it's their 1st Amendment right; the government spends millions to rehabilitate criminals and they do almost nothing for the victims; in public schools you can teach that homosexuality is OK, but you better not use the word God in the process; you can kill an unborn child, but its wrong to execute a mass murderer; we don't burn bopks in America, we now rewrite them; we got rid of the communist and socialist threat by renaming them progressives; we are unable to close our border with Mexico, but have no problem protecting the 38th parallel in Korea; if you protest agains President Obama's policies you're a terrorist, but if you burned an American flag or George Bush in effigy it was your 1st Amendment right.You can have pornography on TV or the internet, but you better not put a nativity scene in a public park during Christmas; we have eliminated all criminals in America, they are now called sick people; we can use a human fetus for medical research, but it's wrong to use an animal.We take money from those who work hard for it and give it to those who don't want to work; we all support the Consitution, but only when it supports our political ideology; we still have freedom of speech, but only if we are being politically correct; parenting has been replaced with Ritalin and video games; the land of opportunity is now the land of hand outs; the similiarity between Hurricane Katrina and the gulf oil spill is that neither president did anything to help.And how do we handle a major crisis today? The government apoints a committoo to determine who's at fault, then threatens them, passes a law, raises our taxes; tells us the problem is solved so they can get back to their reelection campaign. What has happened to the land of the free and home of the brave?-Ken HuberTawas City
Just thought I'd share... How many times do we have to vote on something?

Looks like I'm not the only eHarmony user!

2009-11-13T17:13:00.001-08:00

Lindsey Lohan's eHarmony Video (Embedding disabled.)

Poker Face, al a Walken

2009-11-04T01:26:00.000-08:00

i have hacked the interweb

2009-10-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

this is not randy

"Do you? Do you? You're married! Get outta here!"

2009-09-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

So Reverend Randy has finally, after about 9 years into his servitude under the Lord®, performed a wedding ceremony! The couple was a set of celebrities with a very exclusive guest list.

Mr. Robert Ramm, and Mrs. Tammy Ramm (Speer formerly.)

Laguna Beach was in prime readiness for our arrival; all sixteen of us including the lookie loos that thought there was a free wedding they could crash... (public beach, what're ya gonna do?)

To keep those in the loop that weren't able to attend... (Graham and Guy) I've included my sermon so you could get a taste of what it was like. I'm sure pictures will follow. While planning what to say I realized that I needed to talk for about fifteen minutes, and that wasn't gonna happen off the top of my head. (These blogs, even, are re-read and re-typed several times over before posting.) So I wrote the whole thing out as a script (even the prayer) so I wouldn't miss any point. When I performed the ceremony, I'm sure it was nowhere near this thorough, as this was the most nerve-racking thing I've ever done! I've been the lead in plays and musicals, drama competitions, I've performed my own music, I've played in front of 1000 people at a time in church... this takes the cake* (see below) There was a lot of pressure to please those in attendance, the bride and groom, and make sure I say everything right so they are actually married at the end of it... Anywho:

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here this evening to celebrate the unity between our friends Tammy and Robert. I am certainly honored to be a part of this event. I have the responsibility of conducting this ceremony as a legally ordained minister. When I received my ordinance, it was all in jest. I did it online, and it only took me three minutes! When I did this, I was not a Christian, and simply thought it would be funny to tell people that I could marry them for free if they wanted. Little did I know, I would later discover the Lord for myself, and I'd take Him VERY seriously! He led me down a path I'd never consider for myself. He took me away from a girl who would have kept me FAR away from church. He introduced me to a passion for children; discipling them as authentic followers of Christ. Then when Rob called me and asked if I could still legally perform marriages, (for free) I realized God led me here. I believe that God is going to lead Tammy and Robert towards something big! If we stand back for this moment we may see God's glory unravel far into their years ahead. And for that, I'm honored to be a part of joining them together!

Now, if you know Robert like I know Robert, you know that he is prone to make wild predictions and rash decisions. When we all heard that he was getting remarried, we all thought, "Well, here we go..." but I knew it was the right thing for Rob to do because Robert is a man of FAITH! Of what faith, I'm not totally certain, but faith none the less! I've known Rob closely for about 8 years, and aquatinted with him and his family for who knows how long now. We used to work together at Ameriquest mortgage company. It was your typical office job that is spoofed by movies and television. We'd fill out TPS reports and meet with the Bob's all day long! Sometimes we'd un-expectantly run into each other in the men's room and he'd compliment my shoes from the next stall, usually with a disguised voice. And everyday at noon we'd retreat to our sanctuary, the Block of Orange; to share our lunchtime and hit up Spencer's gifts. It was almost a renaissance for us discussing life, religion, politics, office politics, movies music, girls, inventions... Robert would make the most wild predictions! "Just you wait and see." He'd say. And sure enough; he was right about everything! So I know that if Rob says, I met the woman of my dreams, we're getting married, and everything is gonna be great, "just you wait and see..." I believe him! If there's one thing I've learned from my friendship with Rob, it is to have faith in the unexpected!

When preparing for this ceremony I began to get nervous! Consider my dilemma. I'm about to join two people in Holy matrimony. I'm twenty six years old, and single. They are ten years older, have both been married, and Tammy's father is a pastor. And the only people I formally speak in front of are sixth graders at sunday school, and they're always half asleep! What was I possibly going to say? What wisdom could I bestow? Tammy told me she wanted "wham bam thank you ma'am"; While Sherry told me Bruce needed ample time for pictures. How was I going to tie the proverbial knot for these two? The only thing I know well is the Bible so I opened it up. I was reading and reading but kept falling back towards Genesis 22 for some reason. This is the story of Abraham offering his son Isaac as a sacrifice to God. I know what you're thinking, "Randy, why would you choose such a morbid topic to discuss at a wedding? Its almost offensive!" Many people don't know this, but this chapter is the first instance the word "LOVE" is used in the Bible. This story is, in fact, a fantastic prophecy of love!

God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, his only son Isaac, whom he loved. Later, God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for us. Mount Mariah, the place where Isaac was to be sacrificed, later fell within the boundaries of David. When it was no longer useful as a threshing field, its name became Golgotha; This is where the Judeans crucified their criminals, and its the exact same spot Jesus was hung on the cross! When Abraham said, "C'mon Son, we're going make an atonement sacrifice up to the mountain" He must have already been in the mindset that his son was a dead man! Their journey to the mountain lasted three long days. Abraham followed in faith to the point of binding his only son on an alter, but just before the blade fell, "God provided for Himself another sacrifice" And Isaac is all of a sudden resurrected in the eyes of his father! Just like Jesus was a dead man for three days, before His resurrection! God truly provided Himself as the sacrifice! ... Then we don't hear from Isaac until two chapters later when he is united with his bride Rebekah. Just like were not gonna hear from Jesus until He is united with His bride... US! Genesis 22 is one of the many instances where God makes this wild prediction and says, "Just you wait and see." I think we all can relate to both Abraham and Isaac at least on some level! We all are on a journey, and at some point we are gonna be met by hardship, stumbles, obstacles, and maybe even beasts that discourage us from the path, but God's word tells us, "have faith," "Just you wait and see." A Jewish sage of the Mishnah once was quoted as saying, "May you be covered by the dust of your rabbi." Which means if you are a disciple on the road following your teacher, you ought to follow him so closely that you are covered by the dust he kicks up.

Just as Abraham and Isaac had faith that God would provide, and unite him with his bride, I am awestruck by this leap of faith Tammy and Robert are taking! Pray with me as we witness the union between them!

Prayer - Heavenly Father, we come before you today in celebration! Indeed we have nothing but praises for You! We are so excited that You have brought Tammy and Robert together. We thank You for their love, and ask that your Spirit watch over this ceremony. We understand, Lord, that you have a perfect plan for each and every one of us. Help us to seek your face in all circumstance in order for our personal plan to match up with Yours. We can't always get what we want, but we can always get what You want! Strengthen our faith that we may be bold in Your name! Strengthen Tammy and Robert's faith that they may be bold in their love for You and each other! I pray that not a tear is shed without the other to dry it. You've guided both of their pathways thus far. The roads may have been long, bumpy and sometimes even treacherous, but you have paved their roads to meet this day! Widen their road and make clear their path, as they follow you. May they follow so closely, that they be covered by the dust you kick up. We thank you so much for Your guiding light, Your love, and for Your son Jesus in who's name we pray these things: AMEN

Sand Ceremony - Just as God has lead me down a crooked pathway, He's lead Tammy and Robert down path's of their own. They have lived over 1000 miles apart for most of their lives. Tammy in Texas, Robert in California. From this day forward their paths will no longer be separated. As an outward expression of their love, they each have brought something to symbolize their journey. Tammy has brought sand from her childhood home in Gary Texas, and Robert has brought sand from the Wedge in Newport where he spent so much of his childhood. The idea is to mix the sand together, showing how two very separate lives will henceforth become one.

PROMISES - Robert, do you take Tammy to be your lawfully wedded wife, to walk the same road, as long as you both shall live, no matter what hardship, stumble, obstacle or beast may stand in your way? "I DO."

Tammy, do you take Robert to be your lawfully wedded husband, to walk the same road, as long as you both shall live, no matter what hardship, stumble, obstacle or beast may stand in your way? "I DO."

Then from this moment, may your journey be one road. May if be fruitful. May you be covered in dust. And may it be downhill for most of the way. [Pour sand into vase.]

RINGS - Tammy and Robert have prepared their own vows. To seal those vows, they have rings they both will wear to remind themselves why they love one another.

VOWS - Robert to Tammy

God brought us together he had a plan it just took a little longer for ours to start

when we meet I thought I was meeting a new friend but I new there was more there and next I couldn't wait to talk and see you again. Meeting you was like a have always known you. your are the girl in my dreams.

You are supportive that you always say how proud you are of me.

Family we are not only getting married to each other we are bringing two families together. We have great support on both ends of our families which is half the battle in making a marriage work and grow.

You are an answered prayer and can't forget who gave us our gift and together we will grow spiritually which will bring us closer together.

Tammy to Robert

The way your eyes glow when you look at me tells me how you are proud of me, how much you love me and that God made you especially for me.

I have always dreamed of finding someone that loved me for everything that I am, including my flaws and my dream has come true....you love me for all that I am.

I am so glad I accepted the offering from God for patience to wait for the man he made for me, that is You.

You fit me so perfectly in happy times, struggling times, insecure times, exciting times, relaxing times ..just any time that comes along.

It is because of these reasons that I love you now, and will forever love you.

...Beautifully done. I can't think of another way we can express to everyone here how much you both love one another but by saying,

By the power vested in me by the state of California, I proudly pronounce you Husband and Wife! You may kiss the bride!

If you follow in faith, then God will provide, even to the extent of sacrificing His own son! When God says, "Just you wait and see." you'd better believe Him cause something big is coming! Robert is just such a man of faith! I was so happy when he called me from Texas and told me that he wanted to get right with God again. He's going to follow God, and Tammy is just the kind of woman to encourage that! She's a female version of Rob. But here's the best part: For so many years we had known Rob to be high strung, stressed out, and way too tense for his own good. But it's all erased with you, Tammy. I was asking advice from Bruce and Sherry about what to say today. They were absolutely no help, except for this. Robert, they have not seen you this happy since you were a kid; You seem so "relieved." We all love Robert, but now, we love who he is through Jesus, and through you Tammy. He's a whole new person. And from here on, so are you Tammy. I think introductions are in order.

Ladies and gentlemen friends and family, I'd like to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Robert Ramm!

The bride's father [James] is a Jr. High paster at a baptist church in Texas. We hit it off almost immediately! The conversation went something like this:

J: What kind of church do you go to

R: Uh... Quaker I suppose. (We don't think about it too much)

J: Is it a "Friends" church?

R: Yeah! You guessed it!

J: Hm... I'm okay with the quakers. Let's get this show on the road!

He's already offered me a summer job speaking at his summer camp! His wife said, after the ceremony, that it was nice, "a little unusual, but nice."

Which brings me to my next blog... why I'm unusual... (I think I should probably turn comment moderation on for this one.)

*Pome-gRandy Cheese Cake... oh damn... is it good. I made a cheese cake... with sauce on top... mmmmm!

-Randy

"More Meatier Showers!"

2009-09-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

Not much time for this review...

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs:

So weird...

So funny...

So awkward...

So brilliant...

I have to go pee... NOW!

-Randy

2009-09-19T22:14:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA

-Randy

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye...

2009-09-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a lot of YouTube lately... MTV Video Music Awards has been a lot of fun reviewing...

If I was a girl... I'd totally be this guy's fag-hag:

I thought both videos sucked...

Lady Gaga...

It may be "Twilight" of me, but I think I'm in love. Awesome performance from a really unique artist... I'm also glad that "God and the gays" were able to set aside their differences to work together getting her to win best new artist.

-Randy

That Video

2009-09-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

I found that video again... it was removed from you tube, but i found it again.

Poetry Involving the F-Bomb

2009-09-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

It is 5:45 am. I went to bed at 11:00 pm With a splitting headache. After about an hour I fell asleep. 1:00 am rolls around when my phone rings. Its Nick from Texas. He usually doesn't call unless its something important, so I answer. Occasionally he'll be on the phone horsing around with Trevor (from Wisconsin,) and they'll conference me in. This is usually pretty funny, and tonight was no exception, however, I was still half asleep and still slightly pained from the headache. I said goodnight and replaced the ice pack that had fallen off my head when I sleepily rolled over to answer the phone. Another half hour later I realized I was not going to fall back asleep. Should I turn on a movie? (Cartoons make me sleepy.) Should I read? Should I call the boys back?

I have been having trouble with my external hard drive lately and decided if I was going to stay awake I should be productive, and email customer support to try and recover my data. I needed the model and serial number, so I rummage through my storage cupboards to find the manual and install disc. (thirty minutes of searching was pointless. Once I found what I was looking for I discovered the info I needed was on the back of the drive itself.)

Its about 3 am now, and its time to turn in. But I'm just not sleepy. I've been trying to write more, so I run through a drill I've made for myself. When all of a sudden I hear Burrito retching in his cage! Sure enough, he was having another one of his hypoglycemic episodes. I run a shallow cold bath and toss him in. (That woke him up.) He was revived enough to eat finally but I had to sit with him to make him eat a full meal. If he would do this on his own, we wouldn't have fun nights like tonight.

I put him to bed and wrote a few more lines out of sheer frustration. It got me thinking. I've been sick all week, completely unproductive, save for forcing myself to go to work. This is the first real writing I've done since the last song I wrote for the Disney Heart Throb... wait a minute... He hasn't called me back with instruction, feedback, criticism, or even to say hi. I realize my unattainable dream to write for Disney that was looking quite attainable, just became unattainable again... shit... I write a few more lines. Joe wakes up, turns on shower, goes back to his room. (Maybe for a towel?)

I'm feeling old. Not that I'm old yet, but knowing that I 'will be' old. Before I know it. Right around the corner. I have nothing to show for my years. Sure, I have accumulated a lot of stuff my peers don't have, like a car, an apartment, a pet. I'm probably more comfortable than all my friends, and have the potential to continue on so. But... I expected more. A normal life. Finish school go to school finish school get a job get a wife have kids. I finished school got a job tried school much later quit school got several jobs to make ends meet stayed single got a pet.

This was what I wrote:

Ages locking cages of your mind's eternity

Sages stealing wages turning pages purgat'ry

Colder is the shoulder sending chills abound your heart

Bold-er burning smolder scatters ashes 'round the hearth

Baskets just like caskets carried pieces of my past

Facets blowing gaskets leaking present, future vast

Narrow streaming marrow spilling thusly from my bones

Sparrows nip and tear-oway despite which way it grows

Scratching claws dispatching laws that dig so stubbornly

Catching paws with matching jaws that rule and govern me

Stuck in time this fucking lie routines that bleed me dry

Crutching climbing clucking while lips steal and cheat and pry

Turn away or burn away every bridge that you may cross

Learn today and yearn to say the words you shouldn't toss

Curse and swear promise dare but hide beneath your sheets

First you care enough to share with every quilt you meet

I can't do this smiling through this step or stroll or glide

Once he fooled us tying shoeless feet behind our stride

I snap out of my writing frenzy and realize Joe never returned to the shower but left it running. He was sleep walking. He turned the shower on and walked back to bed with his underwear lying sleepily on the bathroom floor... this is the second time he's done that this month.

Its 6:30 am. Burrito woke up took a drink of water and a piece of kibble and went back to sleep...

I think things are gonna be ok. I don't know how, but they will be.

... no words

2009-08-17T01:49:00.000-07:00

WORMS!

2009-08-13T15:49:00.001-07:00

If you were a worm, what would you say? Ya know, if you could talk. You might say, "Please don't step on me!" or "Man! I sure love rainy days." I've had this strange interest in worms for the past year. Funny thing about worms, they're slippery, slimy and gross. Why should I, or anyone else care for them? They're pretty lowly creatures if you ask me.

Please consider Job 25:4-6 (al a King James)

"How then can man be justified with God? or how can he be clean that is born of a woman?

Behold even to the moon, and it shineth not; yea, the stars are not pure in His sight.

How much less man, that is a worm? and the son of man, which is a worm?"

This passage asks how man can be considered pure in the eyes of God when even the purest in His sight is blemished. Several times in the Bible is man considered nothing more than a worm. Have you ever heard of worm theology?

Skim through these (...now please):

Wikipedia, Worm Theology

This makes me sad...

These Jewish kids are happy because they follow worm theology!

There is worm theology, and there's comfort theology. Both sides have the wrong idea because... they don't speak Hebrew! Job, and the entire Old Testament, was originally written in Hebrew. There are TWO DIFFERENT words used for the two instances of the word "worm", here. They both have different meanings.

The first, Rimmah, means maggots... This is symbolic. When do you see maggots? When something is rotting or decaying. In the Bible, mankind is considered rimmah, not because they are the smallest, and most disgusting of all worms, but because of the DECAY that man is constantly undergoing. We start dying from the moment we are born! It does not denote our lowliness, but our mortal sorrow; our ever-present knowledge and fear of decrement, and death from the moment we're born. Let's face it, mankind is decaying because of our sin! The worm theologists only consider its literal translation of 'maggot'. They believe this is how God literally sees us. But wait, aren't we God's favorite creation, made in His image; or does God look upon Himself as a worm? Let's look deeper, shall we?

In Matthew 27 and in Mark 15 we find Christ reciting scripture (as he taught us to do during temptation while suffering. Matt 4, Luke 4) Jesus is on the cross crying out to God, "Why have you forsaken me?!"

This of course comes from the famed, Psalm 22, which parallels Christ's crucifixion so much that many Bible scholars and theologians consider the entire prophetic chapter to be Christ's own words.

Check this out:

Psalm 22	Gospel Account of the Crucifixion
1. My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?	Matt 27:46 ...Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
7. All those who see Me ridicule Me; They shoot out the lip, they shake their head saying,	Matt 27:39 And those who passed by blasphemed Him, wagging their heads
8. He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue Him!"	Matt 27:43 "He trusted in God; let Him deliver Him now ..."
12. Many bulls have surrounded Me; Strong bulls of Bashan have encircled Me.	Matt 27:27 Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole garrison around Him.
14. I am poured out like water, And all My bones are out of joint; ... And my tongue clings to My Jaws...	John 19:28 After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, "I thirst!"
16. ...The congregation of the wicked has enclosed Me. They pierced My hands and My feet;	Luke 23:33 And when they came to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left.
17. I can count all My bones. They look and stare at me.	John 19:33 But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs.
18. They divide My garments among them, And for My clothing they cast lots.	Mark 15:24 And when they crucified Him, they divided His garments, casting lots for them to determine what every man should take.

John 19:30 So when Jesus received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.

Jesus' last act was to sacrifice His life for us. His last words were, "It is finished".

Now consider Psalm 22:6 in particular:

"But I am a worm, and no man; A reproach of men, and despised by the people"

If Psalm 22 is supposed to be Christ's own words, why would Christ say that He was a worm? Was Christ a worm theologist? Hardly. Christ would not associate Himself with the maggots that represent a sinful life symbolized by the word 'rimmah'.

Psalm 22:6 has another Hebrew translation for the word worm. "Tola"! It's full name is Tola'at Shani; or Scarlet Worm (Coccus Ilicis.) This worm is actually a scale insect that feeds on the sap of the Quercus Coccifera Oak Tree.

The breed is still alive to this day and can be found in and surrounding the nation of Israel.

They were oftentimes harvested by the Israelites for the worm's brilliant crimson blood. It acted as a potent dye for wool, hence it's name, the Scarlet Worm.

Extracting this dye is a very difficult task, making it extremely valuable. It would have been used only for royal or Holy garments, and palace or temple decorations. In some cases, it has been recorded that it was even used as rent money.

The worm was carefully removed from the tree, taken back home, and they would crush the worm's body over a glass of boiling water.

Have you ever considered the life of a bug? As a child, I used to wonder how a fly could accomplish it's entire life within a month's time. Shoot, I didn't even get three square a day, and this tiny thing must be moving so swiftly through each minute. Well consider the life of this Tola worm. The females are land-locked while the males fly around... uh... we'll call it gardening. During her larva stage, she will do her thing on the ground until maturity, when she climbs a tree, rich with branches and sap. If not harvested she will adhere to the tree without moving until (ultimately eating herself to) death. If left to die, (not to be confused with dye) her body will actually burst right on the tree leaving behind a scarlet stain.

(I hope you see where I'm going with this. Stuck to a tree, dying, spillage of blood?...)

This blood stain actually creates a thick, sticky film. In due time, when the blood finally dries, as weather affects it, it turns as white as E.T. (when he was sick,) and falls off the tree, much like falling snow.

Isaiah 1:18-

"...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

Tell me that's not a perfect picture of our saviour! A humble man who should be royalty, leaving a scarlet stain on a tree so that our hearts may become white as snow.

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE COOL PART!

Remember the flying males? When she adheres to the tree, he flies near and... gardens. (What can I say, he likes to plant seeds!) She lays eggs right before she dies. It is her last act in life, as well as her most important! Her sticky spilt blood acts as an incubator for the eggs. Once the pure white flakes fall from the the tree, the eggs are ready to hatch. If she does not die on the tree her children cannot LIVE!!! --Hebrews 2:10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

After Pilate washes his hands and gives Jesus over to the mob, they assure his innocence in the matter by exclaiming, "His blood be on us and our children!" Little did they know...

This is a picture of a perfect sacrifice. But it doesn't end there. What happens when the burden of guilt spills upon you and your children as the mob promised above? Let me show you some other instances of the Tola translation of the word worm:

-Mark 9:43-48

"And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

(1.) Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

(2.) Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:

(3.) Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."

The TRUE "Worm Theology", that everyone is missing out on, has nothing to do with our self-esteem or lack there-of. It's a secret message (I like to call it one of God's "I mean it" messages.) to seriously refrain from sin! If this tola worm (Jesus) dieth not; we cannot be resurrected into heaven. --Hebrews 10:26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins. If we reject what Jesus did on the cross for us, that's what Mark 9:48 is talking about! Without the Tola's sacrifice, her children are unable to hatch! Can you imagine burning in Hell, fully understanding you blew it!? You had your chance, but instead rejected your only chance at salvation; a sacrifice of someone else?

Please note, that I have numbered the repetitive statement above... In the Bible, the number three is always used to represent Divine Perfection. You need at least three sides to form a complete shape; Three definitions of completed time (past, present, future); Holy Trinity; Three days in the tomb, Three attributes of God (omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence); Peter denies Jesus three times, etc...

Just when you thought you could take God's word at face-value, you re-read Job 25:4-6

"HOW THEN CAN MAN BE JUSTIFIED WITH GOD? or HOW CAN HE BE CLEAN that is born of a woman?

Behold even to the moon, and it shineth not; yea, the stars are not pure in His sight.

How much less man, that is a MAGGOT? and the SON OF MAN, which is a (TOLA) worm?"

(Son of man, of course, was one of Jesus' names.) Apparently this passage answers its own question.

This section of Job, by the way was Bildad's THIRD attack on Job!

"Go, and sin no more." indeed.

This is why I'm so in love with the Bible, and so in love with Christ. I once tried to explain to an atheist that I believe in God mostly because of Biblical revelations of who He is. He told me that he has seen similar "revelations" when he once believed, but no longer believes them due the possibility that someone might have authored these "mind fucks" after the canonization of the Bible. I've recently been reading about the copying process the early church had for sacred writings. With the recent findings of the Dead Sea Scrolls, we have 97-99% certainty that our current Bible is accurate to the original manuscripts. You figure this by comparing the oldest manuscript in existence, with the number of copies since then. You pair them together for a probability of authentication ratio. The only other literary work that comes closest yet pales in comparison to the Bible, is Homer's Iliad. It was written around 900 BC, the oldest manuscript is from 400 BC, (500 year span) and there are 643 copies since then that agree. The Bible, (completed with the New Testament) was finished around 70 AD, the oldest manuscript in existence is from 120 AD (50 year span) and there have been 5600 copies since then that agree! The probability factor of an inaccurate copy is far greater in the Iliad's 500 year span than the Bible's 50 year span, but you never hear anyone giving Homer any grief about his work!

Some of the Bible was written 3500 years ago, yet the texts have been EXTREMELY well preserved. Look at the Massoretes! A whole sect of Judaism who's primary doctrine was accuracy of the sacred text! Then we have archaeological finds that corroborate the historical accounts found in scripture... I hate to say it, but the book's pretty sound.

I have one more tid-bit for you about the Tola worm. About it's taxonomic name Coccus Ilicis. Coccus comes from the Latin, coccinus which means scarlet. It was derived from the Greek, kokkos (berry)

Ilicis is Latin

Type ' Ilicis ' in the box and click GO

-Randy

P.S. All pictures taken from the Temple Institute

Time Travel, Is There a God?, and The Kalam Cosmological Argument

2009-08-06T00:45:00.000-07:00

This is an essay I wrote... No reason for it... And yet, for very good reason. Sometimes I have these thoughts, or questions and I stop at nothing to find the answer. Once I finish I desire to write my thoughts down, and sometimes you get an essay like this one.

Phi-los-o-phy

noun. (pl. phies)

The study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, esp. when considered as an academic discipline.

Greek origin: philosophia, 'love of wisdom'

I was going to say I do this kind of thing for the love of Philosophy, but that'd be rather redundant wouldn't you say that'd be rather redundant?

Time Travel, Is There a God?, and The Kalam Cosmological Argument

Do you believe in God? Let's say you do. Believing in God sometimes has its drawbacks. You may be teased, argued with, you might lose friends, or be martyred... but now, I have the answer to all your problems! Never again will a casual conversation between friends erupt into a pointless pissing contest over who's right and who's wrong. Never again will an over-educated atheist put you in your place, for your lack of empirical proof that God exists. How about actually having something real that they can't disagree with even though it's based on faith? How about getting the respect you deserve for articulating your very valid reasoning for having faith in God? How about opening up the door to a progressive (and civil) conversation with an atheist who now knows you have taken the time to educate yourself on the reasoning behind your faith.

This is where apologetics has lead me. Apologetics is that branch of Christian theology that seeks to provide rational warrant for Christianity's true claims. Unbelievers see no reason to believe, making Christians (among the other religions that follow a god) appear irrational and quite insane; or delusional at least.

I've known many unbelievers who have spent a significant amount of time arming their personal mission against Christians. Why would anyone do that? Why not spend time and energy on who you are and what you do believe rather than what you don't believe. The reason is this: These hardcore atheists have more faith than they would ever admit to. At this point they are using more faith that God doesn't exist than believers who put faith in that He does exist. The reason they win arguments over believers is because they almost always control the conversation by taxing the believer to prove their faith is true. This is difficult. One of the rules of apologetics is to not prove your right, but rather, to prove the other guy's wrong. You stay in control, you ask the questions; don't let them ask you to prove why God exists, ask them to prove he doesn't!

1 Peter 3:15 says, "...always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you." Some say the best defense is a good offence. Here's a very good reason that doesn't rest wholly on "blind" faith. Learn it as a defense first. As you begin to understand it, you can form questions out of it. Make them answer your questions so they can more easily accept the logic behind them.

It's called the Kalam Cosmological Argument. It doesn't prove that God exists, but it proves the universe, at one singular moment, began to exist, and ergo, it must have had a cause.

Whatever begins to exist has a cause

The universe began to exist

Therefore, the universe has a cause

How do we prove this? Especially when there are so many who believe the universe is infinite. (Always existed, no god created it, time never began, but always was.) We obviously cannot travel back to the beginning of time to discover the real truth. We have to understand the present to figure out the past. We start with some basic principals of the physical laws of time.

How does one measure eternity? (It's ok, think about it for a while.) We often consider the possibility of eternity. "This argument could go on forever!" or "I feel as though I could swim forever!" Obviously one could not argue for... forever. Nor could one actually swim for a "length" of eternity. If we even stop and ponder this as an actual possibility we will laugh because the notion is absurd. To answer the question, you cannot measure eternity. The reason for this is that there is no such thing as ACTUAL INFINITIES in our reality. (Dimension of time/space; whatever you want to call it.) The only "infinities" that make any rational sense in this reality we live in, is what are called POTENTIAL INFINITIES. These are things that could potentially go on for eternity, but they will always be measured from their beginning to present. A stopwatch is a perfect example. If I press the button on a stopwatch, it will begin counting seconds. (1, 2, 3, 4...) This could, potentially, go on forever, but you will always be able to record the collection of seconds from beginning to present. Like I said, it could go forever. So the problem with this "infinity" is the beginning. The very first second.

Lets say you are reading an (actual) infinitely long book. It takes you roughly two minutes to finish one page. You are, at present, on page 20. So it took you 40 minutes from page one to page twenty. But again the problem is with the beginning. If it had no beginning, how long would it take you to reach page 20? For the sake of argument lets add (successively) to the beginning of the book 10 more pages. How long will it take you to get to page 20? It would take you 1 hour. Let's add 200,000 pages to the beginning. (Over 6,667 hours.) But if this book is infinitely long, and we successively add to the already completed infinite number pages, how long would it take you to get to page 20?

Uh... after an eternity? Right! But an eternity is a completed measurement. You can't add to it's collection, any more than you can subtract from it. The current page your are on loses all relevancy.

To put it another way, (and easier to remember) if your book has infinite pages, how long will it take you to get to page 20? Forever; (or more accurately, never.)

Here are some more examples of the absurdities of actual infinities and the universe not having a beginning.

If you have an Infinitely large CD collection. Each CD has an infinite number of songs, and each song is infinitely long. You have two artists that make up this collection. The Beatles (obviously) and Mozart. You know offhand that you have one Beatles CD and all the rest are Mozart. But because of the infinite number of songs per CD, not to mention their infinite length, you still have just as much Beatles music as you do Mozart. How is this possible with only one Beatles CD? It's not. If actual infinities existed, it would nullify any physical laws of time that teach us what is, and what isn't. It would erase logic.

Here's a similar example. There once was a racecar driver who was driving circuits on a mile long track. He has a four year old son on a tricycle who, like Daddy, is riding in circles. It takes the four year old 12 circles to equal the distance of his father's one circuit mile. There is an unmovable 12:1 ratio. Now if they both rode in circles for an eternity, how many more circles would the son ride? Would it still be 12:1? The answer is no. Because the father is driving forever, he drives an equal number of circuits as his son who is also riding forever. Nonsense.

If you were on a train traveling at 45 mph, on infinitely long tracks, waiting to get to a train station, how long would you be waiting to reach your destination? FOREVER! This makes about as much sense as a one ended stick. The train station represents the present, the tracks represent the silly notion of an infinite universe, and there you are on the train trying to wrap your head around it!

My point is this. If the present exists, (if we exist) there must have been a "page one" to our book. In order to hold true to the notion of an infinite universe you'd have to successively add events prior to the present until eternity, thus never arriving at our present destination, obliterating our very existence! If one was to believe this was a more rational world view than Christianity, they'd need to have more "blind faith" than the Christian! I once spoke to an atheist who believed we didn't actually exist... ??? Unsurprisingly, he couldn't explain himself, and stated that he merely "just believes" this. Blind faith.

Now-- How does God fit in to this? Because we've only, so far, found that the universe has a beginning.

If you have a set of dominoes standing on the floor, the last domino doesn't fall over by itself. It is pushed over by it's predecessor. But how did that one fall? Well it was knocked down just the same. This is an explanation for every event that happens in time. Every event is the effect of a previous cause. If you exist now, it's because your parents at one time, conceived you, but that's not where the line of cause and effect begin, because your parents were the effect of your grandparents cause of conceiving them. This will continue, but not forever. We've established that you cannot just successively add to a completed measurement of eternity because that would be irrational thinking. Or easier put: blind faith without reason. So what is page one? What's the first cause that sprouted effect which was a cause of the next effect and the next, and so forth until the present. What's the first domino? And more importantly, what pushed it over? It would have to be something powerful. Something that wasn't an effect of a previous cause (as this original "cause" is our supposed page one.) As we are counting backwards, this "something" must be singular, as the effects and their causes are narrowed down to the lowest possible denominator. And it would have to be something that resides outside of our dimension of time; as it would have to already exist as such, to begin the chain of events that we know as time itself.

Whatever begins to exist has a cause

The universe began to exist

Therefore, the universe has a cause

Now, unless you were not the effect of some cause, or perhaps you don't even really exist, then you have an idea of whom I'm speaking of. I'm not saying this proves the Judeo-Christian "God" began the first cause, but it does prove (logically not empirically) that a singular, time-transendant, powerful, self-reliant something-or-other exists. To me, this looks like the God of the Bible and doesn't look like any other 'being' or 'force' supposed by any other religion.

Pretty cool, huh? Tell that to an atheist and they will proceed to ask you every question they've ever had about Christianity, and they will eagerly listen to every answer in full. You don't even have to have great answers... you could practically say, "Dude, it's in the Bible." They will accept this without argument because they now respect your reasoning for believing in the Bible. You'll also be surprised by your answers to them, because you won't be flustered, your mind will be unclouded, non-defensive, and you'll be able to recall scripture you didn't even realize you had memorized. That's the Holy Spirit making His way through your words and into the ever softening heart of the nonbeliever.

Now go tell everybody... lets widen the gates so even the stubborn find they're way to righteousness.

-Randy

P.S. I wanted to make animated visual aids, but ... too lazy to finish sentence... not drawing pictures...

Hey, I Remember You! (A Very Long Post.)

2009-07-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. I've been busy. But I think I'll be back in full force now! I've started with a new look in case you haven't noticed... yeah.

So much has happened since last we spoke. I went to summer camp, Burrito got sick and almost put me in the poor house, battled a hairy water demon (twice,) Disney wants my body, and I dated my cousin!

Summer camp was FANTASTIC! It used to be I'd have to lead worship, and be a counselor with a cabin of ten or so boys. This time, however, they let me just lead worship. I played guitar the whole time, and had fewer responsibilities. It was nice! Before I'd drive up early, hustle to unpack and set up the gear (music and stage equipment) Run a quick sound check, THEN finally meet my cabin boys, explain to them that they had to be PERFECT and go on ahead to places without a leader to guide them. (I'd have to run to chapel all the time, setting up, rehearsing and sound checking.) Then I'd run back to chapel for worship, eat dinner, give a Bible devotional, have lights out by 10:15, then stay with them until the counselor meeting at 7:30. Then I'd repeat that for five days, break down the stage, load up, drive back, and unload at the church.

This time was much better. I still had all of the Chapel duties, but wasn't responsible for ten children at the same time.

We went to camp sugar pine, which is just before Yosemite. It should have taken 5 hours to drive. We left at 5:30 am, with a slow moving trailer. My passengers and I decided we should travel on ahead in order to pick up food for everyone to expedite the trailer's journey. They had a blow out 40 minutes behind us and for some reason, couldn't get in touch with AAA to get the thing repaired. We had to return to them. Here's a video of how fun that was. The trip instead was ten hours long.

I took some cool pictures! Here are some of them:

Nathan (the bass player) and I after The Hunt.

The leaders all hide at night, and the kids have to find them with flash lights.

I was harnessed under a bridge. Just like this:

Even though our journey to camp was ten hours, some of the drive was quite nice.

There was this short hike that led to this great waterfall!

Being a councilor is really cool because you get to impact the kids lives all week long! But as you have direct authority over them, discipline is taken really personally. As a staff member, the kids know I'm in charge of their councilors. They have more respect for you right off the bat, and they want to get to know you more. They were able to impact my life!

Underwater cameras are a lot of fun, I pretty much gave my camera to anyone who wanted to play with it, and they took some great pictures!

Campfires were crazy! The worship saved them. It was the only way they'd settle down!

There were ladybugs EVERYWHERE!!! At home when one lands on you, its a sign of good luck. At camp they are pests! I probably squished no less than 20.

Before I left for camp Burrito got sick!

One night I got home to discover Burrito laying at the bottom of his cage unable to move with vomit down his chin. He just looked up at me as if to say, "You're my owner... do something." Panicked, I rushed him to the nearest emergency pet clinic. A few hours (and $400) later he was home as right as rain. Here's what happened.

Bacterial Infection. When your body needs to fight an infection it produces more white blood cells. Human bodies can usually handle this. But Burrito only weighs 2.4 lbs. So with the increase of white blood cells there was a MAJOR decrease in glucose. Basically he had a hypoglycemic crash because of the infection.

The early days of his treatment he was with my friend and neighbor Jon, while I was at camp. He was just fine. He had two people to love on him as if he was a new pet. They pampered him, and medicated him as if he was their own. I've been back now, and I think I kept him on his antibiotics a little too long. He is having trouble maintaining a good glucose balance. He's had two crashes. I threw him into a sink full of cold water to revive him and boost his adrenaline. He didn't like that too much, but it gave him enough energy to eat. After eating he's totally fine. I'm gonna switch up his diet a bit. Try to give him more of what he needs than just kibble.

Lately I've been frustrated with my room mates. They don't seem to care about maintaining our apartment. I certainly don't do a lot of cleaning, myself, but I'm hardly home enough to make a mess. For the times I am home, I'd like to not have to wade through trash, to get to my room, nor do I much like sitting on the toilet reading a magazine... (I'd rather read a book, you see. But the magazine is a multifunctional necessity. Reading, and smashing any cock roaches the scurry past my feet!)

It's getting really gross, but I always wonder if its worth bringing up. anytime you ever confront a room mate with negative living habits, you're met with defensiveness. The last time I asked Joe if he wouldn't mind doing the dishes more often so they don't pile up in the sink. He looked at me like he didn't understand there could possibly be a problem with that. I explained to him as an example, aside from it just looking clean and comfortable, the kitchen sink is a great place to give Burrito a bath every two weeks. I can't do that if there's a pile of dishes in the sink. I'd do them without a problem, but I don't want to do them every bath time, and I shouldn't have to do a huge pile of them when I don't even cook that often. He replied with this question, "Isn't it a little weird that you bathe him in our kitchen sink?"

... Sorry if I'm getting ferret germs all over your dirty dishes Joe. If Burrito was an human infant, I wonder if I'd get the same reaction about the kitchen sink. Isn't it normal to bathe a small living thing in a shallow tub that happens to be at stomach level?

Speaking of bathing, our shower has a nasty habit of getting clogged. This is in part from small left over bars of soap being washed down the drain, hair (both human an animal), and an unwillingness to maintain the drain. When it slows down, I'm the only one who will buy liquid drain-o. (I'm also the only one who buys hand soap and toilet paper.) If I don't maintain the drains, they will eventually clog to a stand still. The day this happened, drain-o wasn't working, so I needed to borrow an electric plumbing snake from my friend after work. I work, borrow the snake, and come home in the afternoon, to find that someone has taken yet another shower in the knee deep grimey water... That's totally disgusting, and dirty, and I don't understand how anyone could do that and not think, "Enough is enough! Something needs to be done about this."

This is me after a two hour bout with the drain... I'm not happy.

This is the hairy drain monster. He's mainly comprised of Sach's black hair, and Mallory's blonde dog hair.

My room mates were very appreciative. Joe said, "Good job, man! Thanks. I was gonna call Manuel (our apt. maintenance man) today to take care of it, but it looks like you got to it before me."

When it comes to big cleaning projects, Joe always says, "I was gonna take care of that today, but..." I do appreciate that he thinks about cleaning, but I'd prefer he actually cleaned after he thinks about it.

A week after these pictures were taken I had to snake the damn drain again!

Many of you know that its been my personal dream to write music for Disney ever since I got out of high school and realized I wasn't going to be a rock star. This is my unattainable dream. The dream that I've considered to always be out of my reach. Well, unbeknownst to me, my reach has grown a considerable amount since then. I have a friend at church who's unattainable dream is to be a disney heart throb. (He fits the bill to a T.) Well his manager has recently put him in touch with people at Disney, and they really like him! They are waiting to record a demo, and if Disney likes that, then they'd be keen to sign him. In the past we've discussed the possibility of me writing for him, and at summer camp, I was poking around with this song, I've had for a while, and he really liked it. He has asked if he can record it for his demo! This means I'd be writing for Disney! I've been working with him to make this song a little more kid friendly and Disney appropriate, but I'm not sure it's gonna work, so I'm going to purpose a new song entirely. We'll see how it goes. Keep your fingers crossed.

That's all for now, I'll continue with the cousin story soon... it's pretty pathetic. You'll love it!

-Randy

Thievery

2009-06-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

So I've been stealing internet from an unknown ... uh... internet payer-for guy who names his unsecured network, "dood get off my network." I'm almost sure everyone in my apt. complex has been stealing from him as well. For the past four or so weeks, however, even though I have a totally solid connection to his network, he has not had his modem connected to the internet. Which means no blogging for me. So once my patience had run thin after not being able to do ANYTHING online (esp. work related emails,) I discussed the issue with my room mate Joe. We both agreed that, though free internet is worth every second of wasted time waiting for the slow connection to load a page, its simply much too frustrating when there is no connection at all. We hankered down and called AT&T and subscribed to a fairly priced internet service. We get connected on Wednesday.

Go figure: dood get off my network is now back online at a breakneck pace! Damnit.

I once applied to rent a room from this guy in orange. A friend referred me to him. They went to the same church. I arranged to see the place, and meet the owner who happens to be pretty great! He's a committed Christian with two daughters, who'd only live there part time as he and his wife had been recently divorced. He had weekly Bible studies there, they didn't watch TV, he played guitar, and there was free internet from the neighbor's wireless router! I explained that I was dedicated to children's ministry, a musician, hated TV, and would love to rent the room. He asked if I'd give him some of my information as a mere formality. Having been out of applications, he asked if I'd jot my employment history and references down on a sheet of paper. I explained to him I was paid under the table from on of my jobs, so only one source of my income was valid on paper. He said, "Under the table? What exactly does that mean?" "Well," I answered, "that means I'm paid in cash, so I'm not taxed on my earnings." He asked me if I had a problem with that. (Obviously I didn't, and was slightly confused as to why he asked me that.) "Well, I have a problem with that." He said sternly. "'Pay Caesar what is due Caesar...' Maybe you should pray about the sin you are committing. I'll have to consider this further before I agree to you moving in. I have to protect my daughters."

Hhhhwwell! On the way home I was almost feeling the conviction of my sin, when I remembered that not only was this man divorced, but also STEALING INTERNET!

P: Hey Kettle

K: Hey Pot, what's up?

P: Nigger...

I'm currently Ripping my entire DVD collection to my external hard drive... It feels like I'm stealing, or doing something wrong... but as long as I don't sell them its totally legal. But then again, I could use the money. I just set up all of my credit cards to be paid automatically (and even on time!) I just over paid my car insurance, which I found out today is actually going to be more expensive than my truck for some reason. So I'm just barely breaking even saving on gas. Yeah I got a new car, but my truck was great! Oh Hank Sr! How will I survive, (sur-drive) without you!? I'm doing everything right now, and I'm suffering for it... well, I still have that tax free job, and I kinda own an illegal animal, and I just found out my license has been expired for four months...

Well shiver me timbers. I'm a sinner... father's hide your daughters.

I hope they don't find out about the heroin lab I'm running in Cambodia. My face would be so red.

Q: What's the difference between "unlawful" and "Illegal"?

A: One means, "Against the law" while the other is just a sick bird.

Anywho... I didn't really have too much to say tonight. Just rambling I guess.

Now that the internet is back up (illegal only for two more days) I'll have much more to follow! We must catch up! I went on a blind date with my cousin. I battled a hairy water demon. I almost bought my dream guitar. I'm writing again, or will be at least. The Tola Worm, and other stories are making their way to a blog near you! All of this, and more! STAY TUNED!

Terminator... ya know, Salvation.

2009-05-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

So I went to see Terminator: Salvation on Friday.

There were robots... things went boom...

For those two reasons I can't say it was terrible, but in the end, McG let me down. (Way down.) It is the first installment in the franchise untouched by James Cameron or the Governator, himself. Although I'm sure Cameron gets royalties for the characters, and I'm positive Schwarzenegger get royalties for using is likeness in a realistic C.G. cameo. This could possibly be why it wasn't amazing.

Not to say I'm a Cameron fan, or necessarily a Schwarzenegger fan, but I think there was something special about their involvement in the previous pictures. I still remember that fateful night in third grade going to see my first rated R movie with my best friend Johnny for his birthday. His Mother, God bless her, took about six of us kids, (who were WAY too young,) to AMC theater to see Terminator 2: Judgment Day. (This theater used to be next to the Orange mall before it was the Village, and the Broadway department store, before it was Walmart. I'm still saddened by this.) I later saw the first Terminator, (enjoyed it) and even later saw the third, (I barely enjoyed that) staring Schwarzenegger just before winning his 2003 election as the Governor of California. All were written (or directed) by Cameron and/or staring Schwarzenegger. So here we have McG, who's done nothing more than a few Charlie's Angels flicks, and a documentary for Sugar-Ray, directing the fourth Terminator. (And contracted for the fifth in 2011.)

How did McfreakinG get this break?! Don't get me wrong, 'Salvation' was just as gruesome and gritty as the first Terminator, but it left me feeling like ... well?...

Everyone hates McG! And rightly so

Example 1

Example II

Example tres

Example 사 - With notable Quote, "Reality check: the word of mouth on this movie is gunna spread quicker than HIV at an African monkey orgy."

The latter example noted another director as being a "machine" to make big bucks for Hollywood; Ron Howard. Another director I honestly have trouble taking seriously, mainly because of his role as Richie Cunningham, but I'm not particularly fond of any of his movies... I wanna be because of the 8 Oscars, but like most of these big budget films, which were a lot of fun in the theaters, they were seriously lacking in the story department; turning decent movie going experiences into bad memories in hindsight. Strangely enough Ronny's daughter Bryce Dallas, who starred as John Connor's wife, is always a joy. I could lose minutes off my life staring at her. She's so stinkin' pretty it makes me sick! Oh wait... that might have been the motion sickness induced by the hand held camera work of the most retarded director in history! Hand held is great during action shots. It gives you a sense of being right there, but you don't need it when the action stops. They were just talking! No need to be shaky!

-Randy

ANOTHER, KIND OF, ACCESSORY!!!

Star Trek...

2009-05-18T00:53:00.000-07:00

...was fan-freakin-tastic!

Go see it.

-Randy

Hammy

2009-05-17T14:51:00.001-07:00

So here it is. The Versa Post.

I really do love my new car. It's an '08 Nissan Versa. Purchased with 14,000 miles, it's considered "just broken in." Times are hard. This summer I don't expect to make a lot of money. Here's the rough break down of my jobs and how they sustain me.

Guitar teacher: No current student. (If I have a student this covers gas and entertainment.)
Server: I've been cut to two days from my original four. Among other reasons, someone left to have a baby, we hired someone else, mommy came back, so we squeezed her in. Summer months are extremely slow as people don't want a big hot bowl of pasta when its 95 degrees at nighttime. Plus with the way the economy is right now, people seem put out to even tip 15%*. (This covered my '05 Nissan Frontier pickup truck, and apartment utilities.)
KidsCare: Midweek child care for Bible studies, classes, and choir rehearsals. They still don't know if there will be a need for child care during the summer months. (This covered my rent.)
Barista: Still working consistent hours early week. This is my long hour job. What it lacks in tips, I'm able to make up for in salary. Thank God I have friends who work their who are willing to give me extra shifts. (covers cell phone, cards, etc.)

Summer B.L.A.S.T. (Bible Learning And Special Trips) This gained me at least $3000 the past two summers which made life so much easier. I ethically disagree with the program and how it uses it's staff members so I've opted out of the program. Goodbye good life.

*I just wanted to take this opportunity to discuss the importance of tipping. You have to factor in the cost of living, with at least a hint of compassion, pity, or common sense. Lets say you are at a restaurant. You look around, and it's not busy at all. Your server gives you great service! All of your food comes out perfectly, your glass is never below half full; He was charming and didn't hover over you.

If your bill comes out to $40.00 a 15% tip is only $6.00. Imagine if you were the server. Its not very busy, you might only have 4 tables with a bill like this. That's $24.00; but lets not forget you have to tip out bus boys, and bartenders. That leaves you just around $18.00 for the whole night!

Now look at your bill. You had a great night out, why wouldn't you reward the good work? 20% is now the appropriate amount to tip. Your server will not only be grateful, but they'll know they've done a good job. They can clock out pleased to have almost $25.00 in their pocket. They will not be disappointed that they got the bare minimum. It turns a slow night into a productive night.

Now lets say you are one of those people who tip 14% or below... how do you sleep at night?

So now that I'm not going to be making much money this summer, I knew it was time to buy a new car! This car however, will financially benefit me as maintaining it will be greatly cheaper than Hank Sr. the truck.

Purchased at Honda Santa Ana

Body:

Interior:

Plenty of head, and leg room:

Arm rest opens for storage:

Pulls up for more:

Deep glove box:

It's keyless!

Six Disc changer, with Auxiliary input: (This has got to go. Must get better head unit with USB iPod hook up. Possibly need new speakers if I'm gonna want it any louder; which I do.)

Cruise control:

Steering wheel radio control with bluetooth. (The Bluetooth works great by the way!)

This little antenna is awesome!

Simple dash display.

Soft door interior with lots of storage. (Front and back.)

Hamster Home:

This is the reason I named this thing Hamster. It's also the reason I miss Hank Sr.

Hammy lives, and drives my car from inside here:

He keeps his food here:

His waste is processed here and returned into fresh food:

All in all, I'm very happy with my new car! Its already saving me a bundle and it will help me raise my credit. I just can't drive as aggressively as I'm used to.

Oh! and one more thing. I gave my back dealer plate a mustache!

-Randy

I GOT SOME!!!

2009-05-15T23:41:00.001-07:00

... extra space in my room. What did you expect?

Went to Home Depot (Manliest I've felt in a long time.) bought wood, and nails. When I got home I made this sweet DVD drawer to go under my bed.

They already were under my bed, but my bed is Burrito proof so he can't get under there. When I wanted a DVD, I had to pick up my mattress... way too much hassle. Now with a quick roll of this baby, I'm free to:

Watch my cartoons-

Watch my Star Wars-

Watch my Heros/Lost-

Watch my Smallville-

It's totally Burrito Proof!

It's pretty legit... Everything is nice and flush.

I'm pretty pleased with myself. Just thought I'd share.

-Randy

THERESA ANDERSSON

2009-05-13T21:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe you didn't hear me before when I said to "WATCH and fall in love."

Theresa Andersson:

Last night...

I was taken to a place I didn't know existed. I thought I was going to a concert. Once there, I was transported to a place where genius and art embraced and made passionate love to one another. This lovemaking transcended all time. Was it months or minutes? Hours or eons? It was as if the moon, after an eternity, finally caught up with the sun to steal a warm kiss just before the earth was awake. If I recall deep enough, I could cry, rediscovering this experience all over again.

Never before have I been so impressed with an artist. (and I think that's safe to say with this one.) I've seen Jon Brion; I've seen Costello; I've seen Sloan. (People who I owe my very love of music to.) NOTHING touches this. This is special to me in a way I won't be able to describe. I can use as many words as I know and still come up short in articulating my feelings about last night. I tried today at work, but I couldn't. They didn't understand. Nor will you, dear readers. Blogger will understand because my empty cyber-friend is nothing but a blank canvas ready to listen until every thought has been mediated between us real beings with blood, skin and emotion; Until every key-stroke has been hammered thus from my fleeting memory, to my fingers, to this web site, to your eyes, to your soul; Yet something tells me the impulse will severely weaken long before that point, and it makes my heart bleed that you just... can't know.

For a long while now, I've been following the music of one, Theresa Andersson. YouTube featured a video of a woman in her kitchen practicing a song called Na na na. I noticed I had viewed the video, and re-viewed the video and then watched it again. At first I took interest as I do in most "Geek-Rock" fascinations. Music+Technology=Randy's interested. But here's this woman; in her kitchen. Alone; building her song from the ground up. Starting with dulcimer, recorded into a phrasing pedal. Then the beat; Three bars and a fill. ::Repeat:: Voice. doubled, and followed by a harmony. She picks up a guitar and begins the song, which is great. All the while she is triggering live phrases, resetting loops and turning effects knobs with her feet. ending the song with some skillful violin washed in delay.

This is not that impressive. I understand the music and I understand the technology that makes it work, but it was far from real. Once in front of me, she was not just another produced recording, or squelching internet video. The clicking of her loop pedals, the subtle knob twisting made by bare toes, the tap dancing that made this possible turned imaginary into a biting reality, that says, "You cannot ever do this, so listen closely."

Back to the video. I still liked the song, and the method she used to capture that, so I follow her. She releases an EP. She releases a full length album which was, in fact, recorded in her kitchen. After the album she acquired more equipment, and her arrangements had been perfected and stage readied. This is about time I lose interest in a musician, as I don't get out to many concerts. One day, I noticed I had just missed her at the Largo in LA. (a favorite venue of mine, to see the kind of musicians I feel safe calling artists.)

I began watching projected schedules for return visits from the Swedish born, New Orleans resident, and there she was. May 12th I marked my calendar two months in advance. I hate going to concerts alone. I hate going any place alone for that matter, but I can't ever seem to get anyone to go places with me, and have missed out. I wouldn't let that stop me this time.

I drove alone, made it on time alone, sat in the front row slightly left of center alone, and the rest followed in around me. The usual LA/Hollywood snobs filed in and sat too close and talked about their kitschy hat stores and record label websites, and how they "know retail" (practically in the biblical sense) better than their clueless bosses do. My only retreat was to lean forward just enough only to hear less of their snotty drivel and terrible jokes. ("Brown chicken/brown cow" topped the list.) The opening act was Andersson's former guitarist who was fired because she was able to do it all herself without paying out any other musicians. He [John Michael] affectionately called her "a freak." He gets it, and I agree with him. His music, however, left a Grand Canyon sized ditch to be desired. With a voice like Conor Oberst, from Bright Eyes, (whom, I feel, pretends to lack singing ability. The reason is in this example: Bob Dylan, had a terrible voice, but damn listen to those words! He had such "a voice." Conor Oberst also has a terrible voice, yet there's no "voice" to compensate. He's faking it to sound deeper than a puddle.) and wiping his nose literally after every song, John Michael sang a few clever lines and had a few funny one liners, but just couldn't purchase my attention had I been a prostitute. (Or a groupie. [Especially a groupie! They have standards!]) His set was followed by more audience drivel. They, of course LOVED him because "he sounds just like Bright Eyes."

Then Theresa. She entered stage right covering her face with a tambourine, like a veil. She was our bride, and she was about to give herself over to us. To give us everything she has outside and in. Step. Step. Chime. Step. Step. Chime. Her steps became stomps, slowly pounding a dark beat in between the soft rhythmic chimes of the tiny cymbals embedded within her instrument.

Be my husband man, I be your wife

Lovin' you all the rest o' your life

If you promise me you'll be my man

I'll love you the best I can

Stick to the promise you made me

That you'll stay away from Rosalie!

If you want me to cook and sew

Without you there ain't no place to go

Oh daddy love me good

A world wind of sounds passed over my head for the next hour. There was Rock 'n' Roll, Jazz, Swedish Folk, R&B, and more all with a Creole flavor, a sweetness in her presence, power in her voice, and joy in her dancing... yes, when she had nothing to play she would dance. And damn, that tambourine! I love tambourine as it is, but she could have carried the show with nothing more than how she jingled and beat that thing. At one point she samples vinyl... live.

My favorite part was her dancing. Aside from her being extremely sexy, she dances with a carefree style leaning back and almost as if marching in a parade. A dance style popularized by New Orleans musicians who had busy hands, but still couldn't help but move their feet. Its not so much the way she moves that's appealing. Her music, her production; She does this as if it were nothing. As if it were all one instrument without the effects and loops. Her mind must be juggling so much; like a dam, near buckling under the stress of a mighty river at her back. Anyone else would be under the greatest fear that it could all collapse at any moment... she dances.

(Graham, watch her feet.)

I got a chance to meet her after the show, which was hurried along by the line of people wanting autographs. I'd never been so intimidated to give someone a "big fan" and a handshake. I felt like I was about to tell the secret love of my life my true feelings. I introduce myself, and hold my right hand out to shake, and hers was already occupied by a pen. She, awkwardly gives me her left hand, which I've always considered more intimate or at the least a familiar gesture. I told her I've been a fan for a long time, and that she's "the best tambourine player I'd ever seen... that's to say the very least, of course." She gave me a puzzled look probably wondering who she'd make out the signature for. "I just wanted to say, you did well." Too nervous to even hear her answer I backed away waving. "Thanks! You too." she said ... It was kind of loud. I'm not really sure she heard anything I said. So I felt like a jerk.

I drove home alone wishing I had brought someone; Wishing we could discuss the show; wishing we could make fun of the people behind us; talk about how inspired we were... wanting to create, to write, to sing! Hungry for life, nostalgic for loss, ready for the world! Anything... But there was just me. I'm again reminded of my loneliness, but strangely encouraged by a seemingly kismet quality to my loneliness, simpatico with my tenancy to follow these artists who choose to press on alone. Perhaps my subconscious chooses to be alone, (without my approval,) as to get me to a means of greater proportion. A better me. Ready for the right girl when she finally comes around. I sure would hate to not be ready for her. Patients... create... write... sing... blog! Who knows what lies around the corner.

-Randy

About Me... As eHarmony sees it.

2009-05-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered through inward and outward observation, self evaluation, and eHarmony that I'm destined to walk this planet alone. (Save for Burrito, of course, but he doesn't take kindly to the leash. Can't say I blame him.) The good thing about eHarmony, is that you can practically taste your romantic future even before you subscribe. I click the "Search For New Matches" button with a hungry anticipation for whom I might be matched with; only for my page to be refreshed with an empty candle-lit dinner table with only one setting. As it turns out, with eHarmony's help, tasting my romantic future will ultimately lead me to starvation. Several months of "Searching For New Matches" has left me feeling even more lonesome and worthless to the opposite sex than before.

I thought I was funny, smart, and mysterious. Now I feel like I'm cynical, uneducated, and vague. Instead of having a career, or at least a "real" job, I have three "minimum wage" jobs... three!!! Instead of having a college education, I have a wealth of experience. We currently live in a world where it doesn't matter what you've done or what you know, it matters who you've done, and what you already have. It's like perpetually climbing up a downward escalator. You can take the stairs, but there's a velvet rope before a very large bouncer checking ID's and accepting your $70,000 cover charge (call it tuition if you want.)

The last "real" job interview I was on went something like this:

"So Mr. Bi-er-lee-en, your resume says you've had several odd jobs in the past three years, mostly contracted... why is there such a big gap between "real" jobs?"

"Well, Mrs. So-N-So, I took a few college courses, while expanding on skill and experience, I feel confident that I am capable of, not only handling the workload you purpose, but excelling at it beyond expectation. As outlined in my resume, I'm already well versed in the requirements of the job description and look forward to any challenges it might present."

"So you didn't finish college?"

"...No."

"We were hoping to hire someone who's a little more experienced."

"Well as I said before, I'm already ex..."

"Well have to get back to then."

Mystery:

Stop talking so much; Let them seek you out; get your heart off your sleeve and back behind your rib cage where it belongs.

Now I'm standoffish; chiseled; hardened; disgruntled even...

Which leads to my humorous side. I am NOT funny. I'm just a cynical, un-respected joker who laughs at none other than himself... well who has the last laugh now?

eHarmony constantly sends me articles posted on their website riddled with crappy advice from people who've already found love by chance. (Like in the movies.) I just read one today titled, "What NOT to Say in Your Profile." I seem to read that title with a different set of eyes. To me, it was titled, "For The Love of God, Don't Tell Anyone The Truth About Yourself Until You Are Truly Perfect!"

Upon reviewing my personal eHarmony profile, I refuse to change it. It took a long time to write because I really sat and reflected on who I am.

1. What are you most passionate about?

Christianity: Seek ye first the kingdom, 'ye know?'

Children: They're our future, teach them (and love them) well.

Music: I am a musical connoisseur, I appraise the quality of the art above opinion and taste.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

God's Word

My ministry with children
Personal expression through music and art

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

Elvis Costello: A remarkable musician who stretches himself almost to the point of transparency. There's no reason music cannot be as raw as punk, emotional as country, beautiful as a ballet, smooth as jazz, inspiring as gospel, and as pleasing as pop all at the same time! I think life shouldn't be any different.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

Creative
Sweet
Funny
Spiritual

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?

Using humor to make friends laugh
Volunteering my time to causes I care about
Sharing my beliefs through teaching, participation, and example

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

Someone who can pick their nose in front of me... but won't.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

I like music... and God... a lot.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

My humility. (*I thought this answer was hilarious, by the way.)

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

Reading: I love the classics, but I love studying my Bible!
Rock climbing: An ever-changing sport that challenges you to be a bigger, better, and stronger you
Volunteering: I volunteer with children a lot
Movies: I don't watch TV, but I love movies!

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

Air (functioning respiratory system)
Food and/or water (functioning digestive system)
Shelter; You could, but only in a calm climate
Antidotes to poisons
The tola worm; (*I'll explain this soon.)

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Frankenstein! A young philosopher named Victor resolves to animate life. Hilarity ensues! I really liked that it pulls you between sympathizing with Frankenstein's plight, and concerning for his Creation. You forget the Monster's crimes when you consider the wanton selfishness of Frankenstein. "Three murders... Who cares? That monster really appreciates life!"

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

A better question would be, "Describe one thing about yourself that only your roommates know." My roommate sleepwalks... sometimes naked. Which is why I lock my bedroom door before bed.

--Your Introductory Information is the "first impression" that you make on your matches. Take a moment to review your answers. Did you represent yourself well? Spelling and grammar are important, but above all, the page should reflect your unique perspective and give someone insight into who you are.--

While reading you were probably thinking, "Hey, that's funny! That describes Randy pretty well!" That's because I've already selected my readers and called them friends. Plus if you didn't already follow my blog you wouldn't be friends; nor would you even get the chance to read it, I suppose.

I think I represented myself, while reflecting my unique perspective and gave insight and all that crap...

After my re-read, I realized if a girl isn't interested by my profile, doesn't find me funny, or simply hates me because of my answers; would I really be interested in her? The answer is no. How you describe yourself is always double sided. Whether on Blogger; Myspace; Facebook; eHarmony... they're all the same. When I write a personal description... or a resume for that matter, it's not only designed to describe myself, but to find an audience with someone of a like-personality. I understand I'm different... I get it; I've read my profile. I'd probably have to be 'different,' myself, to be interested in ... myself. Anyway people forget that when looking inward, to describe themselves, they always hope for positive feedback, when really they should be tailoring expected feedback from the right kind of source. I understand this, and desire to be accepted and respected for who I am, or at least who I try to be.

It's lonely being one of a kind.

Remember the other day when I told you I asked a girl out? It's been about a month, and we've still yet to even speak over the phone. This is the reason for this blog. Last night she texted me, (lame) explaining regret for not getting back to me sooner. She apologized for being so busy, and asked if we could get together in a month or two. I asked if I should hold my breath for when that time comes. Then the truth came out that she wasn't emotionally available for dating right now, and just wanted to be friends.

I'm not upset by any means with this outcome, as she's still a good friend... however, to reveal that, all along, she's been falsely entertaining the possibility of a future somthin'-somthin' was disappointing, to say the least; especially after a month ... with diplomatic text messages, in lieu of a real phone conversation.

In conclusion, I have a tired and disappointed appreciation for lonesomeness. I'm not mad, or really saddened by this; just accepting of myself with a sigh.

Which, sometimes, looks an awful lot like this:

le sigh

-Randy

P.S. Karl Marx has once again foiled my plans to eradicate his existence. I purchased a bigger mouse trap, with a bait cup that is sunk in below the trigger all enclosed to ensure victory. Once again the bait cup had been liked clean... and to add insult to injury, Karl left me some droppings in the enclosure.

Updates and Downdates...

2009-05-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

Here's the haps baby:

1. NISSAN VERSA!!!! I'm in love with you. Pictures of the actual car are to follow. Plus fun filled facts.

For now I leave you only with this--

I feel like I'm stealing.

2. Recording's almost done!!!! Though I am in love with my work, I'm loathing my 'work' Recording is hard! Especially when you mess up some tiny detail that changes everything and you have to re-work hours of 'un-did' work.

I suppose I'm still writing and arranging, though the thing's all done. I just need backing vocals and possibly a 'nuther' instrument here or there.

I'm still in secrecy mode as far as Graham's concerned... what I will leave him with, however, are these images--

3. I asked a girl out! ... Over three weeks ago. After repeated un-returned phone calls, and "cut-short" texts I'm beginning to thing she's not interested. Whatever... looks like it's just me and Burrito for a little while longer. Women: If you don't want to go out with a guy, don't say yes when he asks you if you want to go out.

4a. I have a mouse in my house... His litter box is my bathroom drawer were I keep my razor, and toothpaste. I've set traps that are literally licked clean without being set off. It's a lot like having another pet. I mean, I clean up after it, and feed it regularly, only I don't get to enjoy it's companionship... or see it. I've thusly named him; I originally was thinking Mickey, but since he thinks he is an equal member of our domicile, I've decided to name him Karl Marx.

4b. My new pet mouse, Karl, who lives in my bathroom walls, has room mates--

I'd like to meet Ryan... He's a roach.

He comes from a BIG family who have all moved in. As these new additions to my household all seem to be practicing communism, I think it's safe, and even politically correct to say they are not the 'class'-iest of room mates.

I'm scared to go into my bathroom; I can only take in certain reading material. I stick to comic books, the Bible, and Das Kapital. I also can't go in barefoot.

Every time I write in this blog I almost feel like Tom Hanks in the movie Big. Ya know, the part when he's writing to his mother. He updates her on his current life only as time will allow; Remaining truthful but only slightly skewed because of the (un)reality of his situation. Plus I feel like a ten year old trapped in a grown man's body... hm. Is that weird?

5. I haven't showered in two days.

6. I saw Wolverine today. It was good, but didn't satisfy my pre-existing knowledge of my favorite super hero's back story. These movies are always great until they start making up events or characters to further the movie. Take Ryan Reynolds' character Deadpool for example. (Biggest bad-ass in the Marvel universe... never heard of him? Oh that's because he had the worst comic book ever.) In the end, (and I don't think I'm spoiling this for anyone,) he becomes Weapon XI; a conglomerate mega-mutant who, like Wolverine, has retractable pointy blades that project from the hands. Deadpool likes swords, however. The whole time I was wondering how he was able to bend his arms at the elbow with retracted four foot metal blades that would otherwise prevent this normally practical human maneuver.

7. Went to Denny's for coffee with Heidi and Hannah. Re-described the importance of Worm Theology. I'll probably talk about it here at least as a way to archive my thoughts on the subject.

-Randy

P.S. I promise I'll shower soon. Maybe not today... Maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

In the meantime: I have two videos to share:

A song for the mouse:

I found this looking for the last one... BACK OFF!

Imbeciles.

Je Fais Le Mort

2009-04-24T00:21:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't spoken to me in the past three months, (Melissa Munding,) you don't know what my brother and I have been doing. Its been a challenge to create music between a 1600 mile difference; Graham in Nebraska, myself in California.

But when there's a will, and a stolen internet connection, there's a way. And that 'way' is called "Dueling Covers." Its less a project, more an ongoing musical vocation. This is our myspace page

We each record our individual interpretation of the same cover song and email it to each other after a month's time. We critique each other's work, hoping not just to improve our recording skills, but also our arrangement, and performance ability. Graham and I have always been do-it-yourself-ers. Both self-taught multi-instrumentalists, and I haven't checked with him, but I'm sure we both equally enjoy a good hyphenation. I believe its safe to say we both love punctuation. Which is why we called ourselves Ümlaut in the first place. (The two dots above a vowel.)

Ümlaut is, indeed, back in the "pseudio" already working on the second installment. The first of which is posted on myspace and marks the first and last example of Ümlaut's perfect procrastination. Two awful renditions of Jesusland by Ben Folds, poorly recorded, poorly mixed, and poorly performed. Graham's was over a month behind schedule, and I didn't realize how much I hated the song until I listened to myself singing it; I finished what I could and submitted it so I'd never have to listen to the damn thing again. I rescued my track with clever, however limited, mixing. When approached for comment on his tardiness, Graham stated after three and one half weeks, he decided to scrap what was recorded and download new software. This of course was after three and one half weeks of intensive midi programing. Luckily he was able to salvage the perfect orchestral solo which later became the pinnacle of his labors, and what I feel, the most impressive aspect of both our efforts com-bined.

The next song we're working on (and hopefully almost done with,) is called 'I Make the Dead' by Satisfaction, an independent band from Costa Mesa, California.
I've spent all month NOT pro-crastinating, but pro-practicing. It was essential to the pro-duction. I finished practicing today and decided to finally start recording...

Thoughts after day one. It will be a little late. (Actually not sure when the deadline was. I think it was the 25th.) I've yet to record any guitar, (though I'm not sure I need to,) and I think I want to lay down some backing vocals as well, (though I'm not sure I aught to.)

My song is awesome...

I think I'm actually starting to shape my sound. I had been crafting this folk-rock style for far too long. I thought that was my style, but as it turns out, it was just the best I was able to do until now. My listening palette has matured to the benefit of my performance ability. Not sure about writing yet. To be honest I haven't written a real song in over two years. I've lived a lot of life since then.

Ümlaut's next enterprise will be an ORIGINAL! We've been wanting to write together, but just haven't been able to put our heads together. We are revisiting a past attempt in a song called, "Slap My Ass, Beautiful Angel" It'll be the first single. The B-side of course is "Safe Sex-Get Paid"... But we have to re-learn that. It's been a long time.

-Randy

Long Day, Longer Night

2009-04-21T01:58:00.000-07:00

Started out like any other day. Woke up; late. Went to work; on time. (The clock at work had somehow been moved back five minutes.) Zeke from church asked me to help him with his worship band for the high school group. Wasn't sure what he wanted specifically, but told me I should bring an electric guitar. Drove home, grabbed HEAVY equipment. Took it down stairs/loaded truck. Drove to church. Unloaded/set up. There were already two electric guitarists. Played/directed as best I could for only about an hour. Loaded up... stayed. Played electric guitar; unplugged in the bed of my truck unable to connect with the songs, nor still myself before the Lord. Tired/frustrated. Went back inside.

"Hey would you mind locking up when you're done?" The tech guy said, as he walked out.

The giant room was abandoned, save for me, and a piano.

I did what I could on the keys which was minimal, but the slow chords began to chase away my burdens. This fleeting moment was what my day was for. To forget work. Forget directing. Forget stress. Forget labor. Just worship not for anyone or with anyone. Just me and God.

Locked up the place (with slight difficulty figuring out how to turn off all the lights.) Drove home. Unloaded truck/Hauled HEAVY equipment up stairs. Did the giant amount of dishes piled high in the sink. (Sach asked me why I was doing Joe's dishes.) Went into my room to find burrito...

::Side note::

In order to keep his mess to a minimum I keep an absorbent pet pad underneath his litter. The litter keeps clean longer and less pee smelling.

Burrito had dug up the pet pad, and had burrowed in it like a blanket... inside his litter box.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I repeated over and over again to a ferret who now is wondering why I'm yelling instead of letting him out to play. I dump his litter (a waste as it was new, but still soiled enough) and give him ANOTHER bath. (He just had one a few days ago.) Now his nice soft coat is going to dry out and become corse because of over bathing. Then I make him sit with my while he dries. (He hates this more than anything, but I did a lot of yelling at him, so I needed extra snuggle time, and I think he appreciated it after a while.)

I was going to make myself dinner, but after the burrito debacle I didn't have the energy and made a big bowl of imitation Cap'n Crunch.

Began watching movie. It was very violent. When the "rape scene" began I couldn't take it any more. I turned it off. Began typing.

Why can't I give everything up and just worship? I'm still convinced God wants me to take time to be alone. A lot of time. There's a man who comes into the Grove who owns a mortuary somewhere in Missouri (I think.) He asked my friend Andy if he'd be interested in running it. Andy did not like the idea at all. The more I think about it the better it sounds. I almost asked him today if he had filled the position yet. There are a number of reasons not to get a job managing a mortuary in Missouri. Tomorrow's post will be pro's and con's. In the meantime: sleep. Then take my truck in for service, work maybe worship practice, maybe recorded. And maybe I'll give my rape movie another try, eh...

-Randy

P.S. Thank you Grahamorama

Eddie Izzard?

2009-04-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

Sad day... Jon Brion got bumped for Eddie Izzard.

There will be no Jon Brion tonight.

Phil Wickham

2009-04-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

-Randy

Jeffrey, Bob, Jon, Steve, then Bruce. Tomorrow, Phil

2009-04-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

Not just the names of six men... Let me give them you you in chronological order.

I am teaching Sunday school this weekend and need to study. I had the night off and intended to do just that, but... I work best VERY late at night, which is why I decided to forego studying my Bible, and instead go see Bruce Springsteen. My friend (and boss) Guy asked me to accompany him to the show as soon as I got off work.

On the way we discuss the immensity of a satellite radio station that is wholly devoted to a single artist... (sorry Guy, "musician".) and the importance of the Wienerschnitzel store 43 drive through attendant.

We park, and walk up to the LA Sports Arena when Guy points out a "famous" person. Who at the time we don't know his name, and he's only familiar to the eyes. "Does he hang out at the coffee grove?" "Isn't he one of Graham's friends?" No. He is none other than insult comic...

Jeffrey Ross:

Ok, not so exciting. But then who should happen to be standing right next to him discussing an alternate entrance to the arena?

Bob Saget:

Guy gives him a good handshake and a "Big Fan"... (which is, for our readers who don't know, similar to a salute; or a quick thumbs up to a person you recognize from TV. You say "*Big fan" This way you don't draw other, bigger fans to them. They stay comfortable while you still get to express your respect for their work. *As in: "[I'm a] Big fan.") ... to Bob completely forgetting his past hatred for the man over a personal matter involving a would-be girl, had she not hooked up with Bob instead. He might have remembered this hatred hiding just beneath his star-struck awe, but who should happen to be walking next to Saget...

John Stamos:

His glee overwhelmed him beyond the restrictions of "Big fan" and delved into a "knowing" point accompanied with an affectionate, "Stamos!" Answered by the man himself, an unhesitatingly jolly, "Yo". As if to say, "Right back at-cha Buddy!"

It's good to see that Danny and Uncle Jesse still hang out together. But what about Uncle Joey?

While waiting in line for Guy's beer he points out another famous person... whom I did not know...

Steve Hirsch:

Guy began to ask Mr. Hirsch about his on-going legal battle over the rights to re-release "Deep Throat." After making a positive remark about what the future holds, Guy informed me that Mr. Hirsch was the CEO of Vivid Entertainment... "the world leader in adult entertainment"

I asked Guy how he not only recognized him, but knew the intricate nuances of his legal issues. Anyway we hurried along to our seats which were fantastic!

This is a picture of me in my seat:

Notice what's behind me? That's right, nothing. Just a wall. Which tells you we were just in front of the back of the arena. You'd need a major commercial contracting license to get a seat any farther from the stage.

Then, Bruce:

I'm not going to go right out and buy all his albums, but let's just say I now know why they call him "The Boss." He's worthy of everything anyone says about him. WHAT A SHOW! Even retarded people like him.

Tomorrow night...

Phil Wickham:

I hope no one smokes pot at this concert...

-Randy

Bang Bang Boom Boom

2009-04-11T20:43:00.001-07:00

Just got home from church. They are LETTING me play drums for the children's worship... what were they thinking? My brain is rattling in my head like... Like I've been playing drums all night. And I have. Plus I opened at the Coffee Grove today so I'm pretty much beat. I get to do it again tomorrow morning too! I'm excited!

This Week:

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (last minute add on!)

Phil Wickham

Jon Brion

Next month:

Theresa Andersson... watch and fall in love!

-Randy

P.S. Happy Easter

Del Taco After Midnight

2009-03-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in a while. I've been really busy. I think I need a vacation- there are a lot of people I need to visit out of state. Most of which are the ones who follow this blog. My friend Andy and I were talking about taking a cross-country road trip where we only stop to sleep and eat. Andy sprained both his ankles rock climbing. Maybe we'll go after he's healed.

I either am temporarily sick of working four jobs and need a break, or my longing to be elsewhere is kicking in. Friends say, "Move to Texas; Move to Tennessee; Move to Nebraska." I'm thinking... Australia?

One of my dreams is to be a hermit. I want to live on my own out in the middle of nowhere away from the hustle and bustle, boastful sin, and the idea that you have to have money and possessions in order to be successful and happy. I was talking to an old Lebanese man tonight about economics, the downfall of society, and communities within. I have four jobs, and my state return was only $34.00! I joined eHarmony looking for good Christian girls, and found many... but their interests involved partying on weekends. I work so I can keep my truck to drive to work, and my apartment to sleep in-between jobs and sometimes grab Del Taco after midnight. I have a friend in high school, and even people at my church find it suspiciously sketchy.

One day I was praying on my way home from work. I was praying for a friend of mine, but was awestruck by the beauty of a bright and full moon. I began to praise God for His creation of the moon, and almost made it home before praying for my friend. I decided to pull off the road, park, and pray in the wilderness where there were no freeways or houses or strip malls or public schools or... people. (Jesus did that... often) Not five minutes go by before I notice bright lights near where my truck is parked. I climbed out from behind a bush and confronted the police officer who was looking in my windows. He asked what I was doing down there, and I tried to explain I sought solitude for the purpose of prayer. He asked why I didn't have my Bible. (which was in the truck.) I tried to explain you didn't need a Bible to pray. He asked how I was able to see outside without a flashlight. I explained to him that the moon gave me plenty of light to see, if he'd turn his flashlight light off his eyes too would adjust in a minute. He asked why I didn't go to college. I explained I was on my own, and couldn't afford it. He asked why my parents didn't help I explained we weren't speaking to each other (at that time.) He asked why not. I explained we didn't get along. (Mostly about money and college.) He asked to see my hands, and feet. There was no dirt under my nails, and he tracked my footprints up a short distance then back to the truck. He told me that I looked very suspicious out there in the woods all alone, with no light, saying I'm praying but have no Bible, just walking around. He explained to me that in his experience as a police officer, people don't come out there without making a drug deal, or burying a dead body, or making a dead body. By this time his backup arrived. Six cops in all for little ol' me; prayin' in the dirt. After 30 minutes of them searching around and questioning me, they told me I need to wait longer because they are going to call in a request for a helicopter to survey the area... I asked if I had to pay for it. They all laughed. I explained how back in school they used to prevent fire alarm pranks by threatening to make us pay for the fuel used by the fire engine to answer a call. They said no but then probably wondered who'd pay for the fuel of the helicopter... They asked if I lived with a roommate they could call and talk to. I had them call my roommate, and he vouched for me that I might just be crazy enough to go into the wilderness alone at night to pray, harmlessly. They called off the helicopter, and let me go...

In the 1970's there were 2 million people living in Orange county. Forty years later, there's over 20 million. There are too many people here watching out for number one; paranoid of reaching out to those in need because of the possibility of being taken advantage of; fearfully looking over their shoulder at their loved ones sneaking behind them with their hands behind their backs... what are they holding? Flowers or an axe? Is it meant for them or someone else?

Absence, after all, just might make the heart grow fonder.

I want to empty my arms of weapons, and shut my eyes in the face of those who'd do me wrong. Perhaps in time, I'd have a more sympathetic heart to those who have nothing in their arms but hugs and good wishes.

...My roommates are bastards... That might be all it is... I'm not sure.

-Randy

P.S. I wonder if I'm as perfect as I wonder I am. Maybe I'm the bastard.

Kids

2009-03-23T23:42:00.000-07:00

People sometimes ask why I love kids so much. I don't know how you couldn't. I'm not gonna give you the whole reason now, but it involves gymnastics, a man eating fern, and the end of the world. ... I think you know what I'm gettin' at. :)

I work with children at my church. I'm on staff... they actually pay me to play with them. (Of course I keep them safe, fed, and clean. Its strategic playing.)

Anywho, I wanted to show you some pictures of kid stuff that make me feel fantastic. I hope they do the same for you:

"Young Love"

Pretty much the best moment of all time... took almost five tries to get this one. Each time my camera phone was loaded they'd be separated going down the slide; climbing on the rock wall. Then once I gave up and put the phone away they were back at it... They said they were "Special Friends"

They were actually walking in slow motion; believe it or not.

"My Mommy Says, 'God Hates Fags!'"

Kids love grown ups. They'll most likely be one some day. They will listen to their parents when they talk to each other, family members, neighbors, people they pass by in the grocery store; they'll listen to the shows you watch, etc... They will repeat things you thought no one else could possibly have heard you say. I traced this picture on the back side of a coloring page. (On the front, she had a poster of Jesus.) I drew this as a satire of the average age of the 'No on Prop 8' protester. I wanted her to hold a "No on 8" sign, but being at church and all, I didn't want some toddler telling his mommy what the little girl in Mr. Randy's coloring page was holding. I'd think it would be hilarious, but I doubt the M.O.P.S. Moms would agree.

"Daddy! This offering tastes like chicken!"

Another traced picture. (Originally the boy was tithing.) I have no explanation for this one... but I gave myself an A+ on it!

"Burrito - Fatto Da Crayola!"
That's my boy. A kid asked if I could draw a picture of him. Funny thing was, I already was thinking of drawing a picture of him anyway.

"If you take one step closer, I'll jump!"

If a giant lion was slowly inching his way towards you hungrily licking his lips in anticipation of his upcoming meal, you'd commit suicide too.

Anything to prevent the satisfaction he'd receive from devouring you.

"Sorry kids. Oh well, let's go!"

We were late for the bus, but had already waited in line at Splash Mountain for 45 minutes. (Plus I promised my kids we'd get ice cream on the way back to the bus.) I didn't want them wasting any time by checking out the ride photo, so I told them if I sat in front I'd keep them from getting wet. We stood long enough for me to apologize for ruining the picture. (And to snap a quick photo for my enjoyment.)

... See - Strategic playing!

-Randy

Upgraded

2009-03-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm upgraded with a new Xbox; my games are fun... Burrito is jealous.

-Randy

It's getting HOT in here...

2009-03-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

15 minutes of game play... Already overheated. Note to self: hate Microsoft; upgrade to a newer system.

-Randy

Full 360

2009-03-21T13:04:00.000-07:00

I got an Xbox 360 last night

These are the games I got...

I'm excited.

-Randy

Tropic Thunder

2009-03-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

I've never been so offended and impressed all at the same time. I truly enjoyed this movie. I will, from now on, trust my brother's judgment above all others when it comes to movies. (Except for of course Heat Vision and Jack; also by Ben Stiller.)

-Randy

P.S.

He's posing only because he's too tired to move.

We have fun together!

First Blog

2009-03-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

When Myspace is a joke and Facebook fails... what's left, then, to publicly express my personal thoughts, photos, music, et cetera?

Blogger

I hope we can be friends.

-Randy

P.S. This is Burrito.